i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
