he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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