Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
