There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
