I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think my vagina is haunted
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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