so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
