Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
