Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
