Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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