There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Pants are for mortals
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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