Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
