Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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