38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize