roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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