I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize