Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
