Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
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It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
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I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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