Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
