I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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