please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
