my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
