i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My dick has a subreddit
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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