it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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