I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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