Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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