I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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