Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
