I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
