Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
