i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
