Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
