After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
How's work?
Spinning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
