I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
