don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
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I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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