at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
