Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Boobs are out for the taking
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
