Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
