As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
