i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
