Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
