Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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