I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
