update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
