dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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