It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
