so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
