Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
