1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
