All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We are two peas in an std pod
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
