just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
