people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize
