all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I enjoy the company of your penis
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
