If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
