For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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