happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
