i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
