mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
