Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
