They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize