It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
