How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
