I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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