Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
