She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
