People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
