Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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