WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
