ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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