we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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