dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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