Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I still have a little drunk in my system
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
