Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
