I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
