dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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