just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
