So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize